You’d think people would have a pretty good idea as to how exactly to keep things clean between the cheeks from wipe to wash. But according to Reddit users, plenty of people actually don’t know how to keep their downstairs squeaky clean.
“The number of people that don’t wash their ass is astounding,” Redditor youallsuck6 wrote as a personal hygiene reminder. “Yes, people can tell. Yes, it’s really that bad.”
Wiping and washing might seem as though they’re pretty basic human skills, but in reality, there are plenty of ways to mess them up. (For example, some people are convinced you can wipe while standing, which is nowhere near correct.)
“When you stand, your butt cheeks are pressed together, preventing you from getting full access to the anus. So, most experts will agree that sitting is better than standing to clean yourself,” says Sunitha Posina, M.D., a New York City-area internist.
Screwing up the intricate art of washing your butt can lead to odor, discomfort, or swamp ass. “In general, failing to wipe correctly and leaving residue behind can become noticeable after just a few hours, starting with mild itching and irritation,” she says.
“Not wiping your butt correctly can [also] lead to serious issues – infections, hemorrhoids, itching, and discomfort. In fact, if you clean your bottom well it will save you a lot of trouble down the road,” adds Lubbock, Texas-based YouTuber, gastroenterologist, and Men’s Health columnist Sameer Islam, M.D.
None of those symptoms are particularly fun, especially in the age of ass eating, pegging, and prostate stimulation. Butthole visibility is at an all-time high, so make sure that it’s groomed and fresh.
Here’s how to wipe right and make sure your ???????? is – well, just peachy.
How to wipe your butt, the right way
The first step towards peak cleanliness is maintaining a well-wiped butt. Wiping and cleaning go hand in hand, which is something you’d think we generally learned once we left diapers behind.
Unfortunately, the correct way to wipe your butt might elude you. Joel Krachman, M.D., is the Chief of Gastroenterology for New Jersey-based AtlantiCare Regional Medical Center. According to Dr. Krachman, there aren’t any hard and fast rules when it comes to wiping, except that you probably shouldn’t do it hard and/or fast.
“Some people wipe so vigorously that they irritate the anal area,” Krachman says. This can cause painful conditions like hemorrhoids or anal abscesses, which can lead to their own problems, such as bleeding, itching, and leakage. If you suffer from either of those conditions, he recommends using wet wipes instead of the usual dry TP. Or consider a bidet, Dr. Islam says.
“I am a huge fan of a bidet – I think everyone should own and use one,” he says. “It can ensure that you are clean and it is very hygienic to use.”
Using enough toilet paper (folded or crumpled is fine), reach behind your back between your legs and wipe from front to back. Wipe backward from the perineum, toward and past the anus.
“Wipe gently, and use additional toilet paper until the paper is clean and never scrub the skin around the perineum. If you cannot reach behind your back, reaching in between your legs from the front is fine as long as you wipe from front to back,” says Dr. Posina. You can also use wipes.
“Wiping until you’re clean is important – meaning you don’t see streaks on your toilet paper,” says Dr. Islam. “If you are still wiping and have residual stool, try washing the toilet paper with water and dabbing your bottom until it’s clean.”
No matter which wipes you choose, make sure you take a close look at the ingredients.
Many popular brands contain the preservative methylisothiazolinone, which is “an ingredient that can cause an allergic reaction in a lot of people,” according to pharmacologist Joe Graedon, the co-founder of The People’s Pharmacy, a consumer advocacy website.
Some of the fancy designer-brands, including Dude Wipes, don’t contain methylisothiazolinone.
There’s also Aquinelle Toilet Tissue Mist, which will run you $10 for about 300 sprays, which moistens your toilet paper thanks to a combination of aloe and witch hazel.
Or, you can skip the fancy products and go straight for liquefied witch hazel, suggests Graedon, who says it’s cheaper and just as effective. After your usual wiping, add a few drops to a small wad of toilet paper—just enough to dampen it—and give your butt a final wipe.
You may not be clean on a microscopic level, Graedon says, but a witch hazel cleanse ensures “far less bacterial contamination.”
How to Wash Your Butt
As with the rest of your body, the shower is the best opportunity to really clean your butt.
And no, cleaning doesn’t mean just letting the water run down your back and between your crack like a lazy river. It also doesn’t mean grabbing any old bar of soap and gliding it lightly between the cheeks. It’s not that simple.
Dr. Krachman stresses the use of a soap that’s gentle on the skin. Look for words like “sensitive” or “gentle” as you select which soaps will be used specifically for taking care of things below the belt.
“I would not recommend you use a bar of soap to track and clean your bottom when you are in the shower – that tends to cause more issues like itching due to drying out your bottom,” adds Dr. Islam.
It’s also best to use a hand-held shower head for direct, up-close cleansing. If you prefer a washcloth or loofa, it’s fine to get between the cheeks, but again, remember not to be too vigorous with your motions. It’s best to make sure you’re washing this regularly because it’s your butthole we’re talking about here.
No matter which method you choose, getting the soap to a lather and washing or gently scrubbing should take care of most of the debris. And from there, checking things out, toweling off, and wiping correctly should all solve the problem.
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