Jane Wilde knew she was mildly allergic to bananas, but she didn’t think it would be a problem today, since the banana wasn’t going in her mouth.
The porn star soon learned the hard way that an orifice is an orifice—which is to say, she could still have a reaction if the banana went in her anus.
The banana in question was hard and unripe, so it wouldn’t get squished by her sphincter muscles when she pushed it in and pulled it out. Wilde focused on keeping the fruit intact, but roughly five minutes into the scene, her face began to swell.
Recalling the experience with a big smile on her face, Wilde told me that her director, Chris Streams (link NSFW), asked if she wanted to stop. She said she wanted to finish the scene, since they were almost done, but by the end of the shoot, her lips had ballooned. She could hardly keep her eyes open, and she felt her throat close slightly. Thankfully, Benadryl did the trick.
If you were to watch the video now (link NSFW), you’d never know Wilde had anything less than an orgasmic banana experience. Her face is edited out, and her moans give the impression that she has zero issues breathing.
I’m fully aware that porn isn’t an accurate reflection of real sex. I know that guys take Viagra to maintain rock-hard erections, and some even go a step further and inject their penis with the prescription drug Trimix to stay hard. But I was curious to learn more about the “movie magic” that happens on set. Even though I’m a sex columnist, I sometimes worry that the sex I’m having isn’t on par with what I see in porn. I know I shouldn’t have these thoughts, but I think we can all agree that it’s difficult not to compare ourselves to the adult performers we see on our screens.
That’s why, this past Valentine’s Day, I ended up in the Los Angeles Valley at a porn set with three of the most famous women in porn today: Jane Wilde, Haley Reed, and Sophia Grace. (All links NSFW.)
The three were performing a naughty schoolgirl “detention” scene for Evil Angel, which involved food and beverages going in and out of various orifices. Luckily for Wilde, there were no bananas involved this time.
Wilde told me she woke up at 6 a.m. so she could complete the “cleaning out” process before her 9 a.m. call time. Cleaning out, much like prepping for a colonoscopy, is a lengthy and less-than-fun activity.
“I stop eating around eight to twelve hours before I clean out,” she said. “Then I just don’t eat the day of until we’re done with the anal scenes. That way, I feel confident, and I know nothing is traveling through my body that could shut me down for business.”
After arriving at 9, she spent nearly two hours getting her makeup and hair done. Finally, around 1 p.m., the shoot began.
Grace said it was lucky the women had just finished their periods, so none of them had to use the age-old trick of putting a makeup sponge inside the vagina to soak up blood. (They can’t wear tampons, because the string would show.)
“Trying to get the sponge out, especially when you’ve just been fucked hard by a big dick, is not easy,” Grace said. “It just suctions right up there, and you have to work hard to fish it out.”
“Oh, that’s the guy’s job,” Wilde interjected. “If you push it in deep, you have to be the one to take it out!”
Prior to filming the scene, the three performers discussed their boundaries and concerns. Grace said it takes her a moment to warm up for anal play, and asked her scene partners to go slow. (Once she was open, she said they could go to town.) She also warned Reed about sucking on her clit, since Reed has braces and Grace has a clit ring. “In the past, a girl’s braces got stuck on my clit ring, so I want to be extra cautious,” Grace said.
After discussing boundaries, director Streams ran the performers through a rough outline of the scene. Reed and Grace would be the “bitchy” upperclassmen who were used to detention. Then Wilde would walk in, acting like she was hot shit, and the two upperclassmen would “mean girl” her. To prove herself, Wilde would pull out a huge dildo and sit on it…thus beginning the sex.
Zachary Zane
The scene wasn’t scripted beyond the outline, so the dialogue was the performers’ to create. Wilde could probably teach an improv class in her spare time with all the “yes-and-ing” she was doing. She knew exactly what to say to keep the scene moving naturally from talking to sex. (“Oh, yeah? You think I can’t handle you girls? I’ve handled things much bigger.” Then bam, she whipped out a massive dildo.) Not that there really needs to be an excuse to get naked when you’re shooting a porno, but a select group of viewers doesn’t just skip to the penetration; they like watching the scene build. How exactly did your stepmom get stuck in the laundry machine? Where exactly did the shoplifter hide that bracelet? Or, in the case of this scene: Why did Wilde feel the need to prove herself to these women sexually?
Once they got to the penetration, they went beyond typical dildos. Wilde popped a gummy bear into her behind and pushed it out. Then, the three women played with gummy worms the size of my arm—but only in mouths and anuses.
“We try not to get the sugar candy stuff around the vagina area,” Wilde told me right before she shot the sploshing anal scene. That’s a recipe for getting a UTI, so all food tends to go in and out of the anus. “If you accidentally get something in or near your vagina, you douche with hydrogen peroxide. Then you take boric acid suppositories.” When I voiced my concerns about the potential dangers of putting hydrogen peroxide in one’s vagina, Wilde clarified: “Just a little bit!”
After about four minutes of being penetrated by the gummy worms, Wilde came while squirting. Streams said they had enough footage, and it was time to move on to the next activities. Before doing so, they’d have to clean up the set, since pools of sugary gummy bear liquid were everywhere. Wilde would also have to shower, since she was a sticky mess.
By then, it was 2:30 p.m. and alas, I had to leave for another engagement.
“You’re going to miss the milk enema scene,” Wilde said. “It’s the last thing we do because it can get a little messy.” What is a milk enema, you ask? Allow me to explain: You essentially douche with milk instead of water, so that during penetration, milk splashes out of your body. Or, you can choose to push out the milk, perhaps while squatting over someone’s face. (I’m just spitballing here.) Wilde had done it before, but she said she was planning to use less milk this time, so it slowly drips out instead of shooting out. “Let gravity do its job,” she said with a wicked grin.
That night, when I fired up my laptop to watch some porn, I couldn’t help but smile thinking about how ridiculous and fantastical porn truly is. It’s not real—not one bit. And the fact that I sometimes compare myself to the porn stars is frankly, absurd. I will never be able to take a massive gummy worm in my ass. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I don’t want to have sex like a porn star. Because frankly, it seems like a lot of work.
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