Experts Explain What It Is, Benefits & How to Do It.

IF YOU’VE EVER enjoyed an ice-cold beer after a Dry January, or a huge plate of pasta after a bout of Whole30, you know full well that temporary deprivation makes everything just a little bit better. Some say the same could be true of sex—that giving it up for a finite period of time could pay off in the long run. But how, if at all, can sex fasting actually improve your sex life?

Just ask Russell Wilson, Andrew Garfield, or Travis Barker, all of whom took part in a sex fast for varying reasons. (“It actually made everything better,” Barker’s wife, Kourtney Kardashian, said in an interview in 2022. “Like, if you can’t have caffeine, when you have your first matcha, it’s so good.”)

Proponents claim a sex fast could boost your libido, help you last longer in bed, and potentially even promote more intense orgasms. But there isn’t any science to back this up—so, what do the experts have to say? Before you swear off boning for a little while, here are some things you should know.

What is sex fasting?

As the name suggests, a sex fast refers to intentionally abstaining from any sexual activity. But unlike total celibacy, it’s only for a specified period of time.

Alice Child, a sexologist at sexual wellness platform SheSpot, notes that a sex fast can vary in length—anywhere from a week to a few months—depending on what you’re hoping to get out of it. Some people forgo orgasms altogether, while some may decide to ejaculate via masturbation but not with a partner.

Should I try a sex fast?

According to experts, there are lots of reasons why you might decide to hit pause on your sexual activity.

“Some might be looking for a physical and emotional reset,” says Melissa Cook, a certified sex therapist and contributor at FunwithFeet. “A break from sexual activity can give you a fresh perspective, and allow for a reevaluation of potentially unhealthy sexual patterns. Others might find that fasting sharpens their focus, freeing up mental energy for other areas of life.”

Here are just a few other valid reasons to go on a sex fast:

You’re seeking personal growth.

“Sexual fasting can be seen as a form of self-discipline and self-control,” explains Amber Shine, a certified sex therapist and dating coach at XFansHub. “It allows you to focus on self-improvement.”

You’re healing from trauma.

If you had a negative sexual experience, you may opt to go on a sex fast in order to recover and work through the trauma before exploring intimacy again, Shine says.

Sex has become the only way you connect with your partner.

Cook notes that you might use a fast to deepen your emotional bond and cultivate other kinds of intimacy within your relationship.

You’ve developed problematic porn habits.

Child says taking a break from all sexual activity—including masturbation—may help you break any unhealthy porn-watching habits. For example, if you frequently masturbate to porn to relieve stress, but it’s no longer helping, or making things worse, you might try a sex fast to find other alternative coping mechanisms, says Jenni Skyler, PhD, a certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist for AdamEve.com.

Note: You can’t actually be addicted to porn—since porn isn’t an addictive substance—but you can develop compulsive viewing habits that prevent you from living the life you want. The same goes for sex. If you suspect you’re dealing with compulsive sexual behavior, Here We Flo sex educator Evie Plumb says you shouldn’t try a sex fast on your own.

“Compulsive sexual behavior needs to be treated by a therapist,” she explains.

You’re looking for “the one.”

Let’s say you’re genuinely interested in a serious relationship, but you keep finding yourself settling for casual hookups. According to Child, a sex fast might help you gain deeper insight into what you’re looking for, and find a new approach to dating so that you can actually find a long-term partner.

You lost the sexual spark in your relationship.

“Couples who find themselves bored in the bedroom might consider sexual fasting as a means to build up excitement and anticipation again,” says Adina Mahalli, a certified mental health expert and relationship therapist for Maple Holistics.

What are the benefits of sex fasting?

There isn’t any research yet to support the potential benefits of a sex fast. That said, anecdotally, Plumb says some people report feeling more energized and having a more fulfilling overall sex life after doing a fast.

“Anticipation is a huge aphrodisiac for many people, so deliberately not having sex or masturbating in the run-up to a hot date night could enhance your arousal and sensitivity,” Child adds. “It can also increase your sexual connection with your partner, as deliberately denying yourselves can actually make you think and talk about it even more.”

According to Child, sexual fasting could also lead to more intense orgasms.

“If you’re curious, try edging— which is when you have sex or masturbate to the edge of ejaculation and then deliberately stop,” she explains. “When you eventually do let yourself orgasm, the orgasm is often much stronger.”

Mahali and Shine say a sex fast could also bring about the following perks:

• Increased self-awareness in the absence of sexual activity
• A resurgence of excitement around sex with your partner
• Enhanced emotional connection with your partner
• Temporary relief from performance-related pressure or anxiety

Sex fasting has played a role in numerous cultures and religions—for example, Taoists use it as a way to conserve and build energy for more powerful sexual experiences, Child says.

“Many believe that sperm retention helps redirect sexual energies to other areas of life and that it improves mental health and spiritual growth,” she explains.

When Barker and Kardashian used sexual fasting as part of an Ayurvedic cleanse, they said their goal was to draw toxins out of their body in hopes of conceiving a child. But it’s worth noting that there’s no proof a sex fast promotes fertility. In fact, one 2020 study in Fertility Science And Research found quite the opposite: When men with high sperm DNA damage (a risk factor for infertility) ejaculated for four consecutive days, they reduced the amount of damage in their sperm’s DNA.

By the way: while some claim that sexual fasting can help to address erectile dysfunction, experts aren’t convinced. In fact, a 2008 study in the American Journal of Medicine revealed that men who aren’t sexually active are more likely to experience ED.

How to do a sex fast:

If you’re intrigued by the potential perks of sexual fasting, there are a few important considerations to make before you take that ejaculation vacation—specifically, if you’re in a relationship. After all, your partner has needs, too.

When bringing up the idea of a sex fast, it’s important to approach this topic delicately, as experts say it could trigger insecurities. Your partner may wonder if your desire to take a break from sex indicates a lack of attraction or desire for them. To make this conversation as non-awkward as possible, Skyler advises bringing it up outside the bedroom, at a time when you’re both fully relaxed and present. Be sure to thoroughly explain why you’re interested in a sex fast, and focus on how you hope it will benefit your sex life and relationship at large.

“Remember that they might have different perspectives or reservations,” Shine says.

Rather than getting defensive, give your partner a fair opportunity to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

When deciding how long to fast for, you may need to compromise. For instance, if you want to try fasting for a full month but your partner doesn’t think they can deprive themself of coming for longer than a week, you might settle on two weeks.

“During the fasting period, don’t forget to regularly check in with each other to discuss your experiences and feelings,” Shine adds. “ Open communication is vital to ensure both partners are comfortable and content with the arrangement.”

The bottom line? A sex fast isn’t for everyone. Could it improve your sex life, your emotional connection to your partner, and your perspective on intimacy? Sure. But only you can decide whether or not it’s worth sacrificing some orgasms in the short term.