I’m Zachary Zane, a sex writer, author, and ethical Boyslut (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I’m very, very open about it). Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I’ve learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). I’m here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn’t just “communicate with your partner” because you know that already. Ask me anything—literally, anything—and I will gladly Sexplain It.
To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form.
Dear Sexplain It,
More From Men’s Health
I’ve got this uncut penis that I (and several guys I’ve been with) love, but I’ve noticed one issue throughout the years that I’ve never addressed until now: When my foreskin is pulled back, and my head is exposed, it’s ridiculously sensitive. Like, whenever I’m playing with it or getting it sucked, instead of feeling any pleasure, I get the insane urge to pee.
There have been at least three occasions in the last few years when I get my head played with—and I think I’m cumming—but it turns out I’m peeing. One occasion was in a Fleshjack I had just bought, and two other occasions were when I was getting head.
It’s gotten to the point that I have “Don’t like receiving head” in my Grindr bio because I am terrified of peeing down someone’s throat again, but I want to change that. Is there anything I can do to make my head not so sensitive so I can finally ejaculate down someone’s throat? Or am I better off finding someone with a pee kink who would love to slurp that up?
— (Jack) Off With His Head
Dear (Jack) Off With His Head,
I’m sorry you had those accidental piss experiences. I hope they weren’t too traumatizing for you—or the guy sucking you off—and you were both able to laugh it off. (Maybe that’s what they were hoping for the whole time, and you made their day. Let’s go ahead and tell ourselves that.)
I showed your question to a urologist, who identified two separate but related issues that seem to be going on with your penis. The first is your heightened sensitivity, and the second is that you’re accidentally peeing during sex.
We’ll get to managing the sensitivity in a second, but first, here’s what Michael Ingber, M.D., a urologist and urogynecologist at Garden State Urology, had to say about the pee situation. He hypothesizes that your nerves may be “cross-talking,” meaning “nerves from one area can ‘communicate’ with another area, or even between organs.” It’s also possible that your urethra, located just beneath the foreskin on the underside of your penis, is getting stimulated with oral sex, leading to a “bladder reflex” that causes you to pee accidentally, Ingber says.
I’m wondering if there’s a certain part of stimulation that triggers your pee reflex. Perhaps you could play around with it while masturbating? Pull your foreskin back, stimulate underneath, and figure out exactly where being stimulated causes you to pee.
This will be helpful information to bring to your own doctor, which is a crucial step in solving your pee problem. The above information is meant to guide you, but only your doctor can check you out and let you know for sure what’s going on, urine-wise.
Your sensitivity issue is more common, and there are plenty of ways to manage it.
Ingber suggests applying “a topical numbing ointment to the head of the penis or foreskin where you are most sensitive.” A urologist should be able to prescribe you some ointment, but there are also many safe, over-the-counter creams and sprays you can try. I’ve tried quite a few of these sprays in the past, but my favorite is Promsecent’s Delay Spray. Unlike other sprays, this one doesn’t completely numb your dick. You still have some sensation—just not a distracting (or, in your case, pee-inducing) amount.
Another option for reducing sensitivity is to wear a condom during oral sex. You can check out our list of the best-feeling condoms here.
While you get things sorted with your doctor, you can either keep saying that you don’t like receiving oral on your Grindr profile, or you can just lean in. I think your last sentence about finding someone with a pee kink was a joke, but if you were serious, you could really make someone’s day. Write on your Grindr profile: “I often accidentally piss while getting head, if that’s your thing.” I bet your inbox would explode with offers.
Contributing Editor
Zachary Zane is the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and editor-in-chief of the BOYSLUT Zine, which publishes nonfiction erotica from kinksters across the globe. He writes “Sexplain It,” the sex and relationship advice column at Men’s Health, and is the co-author of Men’s Health Best. Sex. Ever. His work has been featured in New York Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post, Playboy, and more.
Comments are closed.