Jonah Hill’s Alleged Texts on Boundaries Reveal Misuse of ‘Therapy-Speak’

THERE’S A POPULAR meme that says men will literally do anything instead of going to therapy, but that’s not the case for Jonah Hill. In fact, Hill has leaned into therapy a little too hard.

Over the weekend, Hill’s surfer ex-girlfriend, Sarah Brady, shared screenshots of alleged texts from him on her Instagram story, claiming Hill was “manipulative” and “emotionally abusive.” With everyone from Bethenny Frankel to Candace Owens to your college roommate (probably) weighing in on Hill’s messages, it’s all anyone has been able to talk about the past few days.

The screenshots appear to show Hill telling Brady she couldn’t post photos of herself in a bathing suit because it violated his “boundaries” (reminder: this woman surfs for a living). He tried to get her not to hang out with certain people, labeling her friends as “unstable” (unstable people need friends too!). In separate texts that were reportedly sent after they broke up, he said her sending his texts back to him was “triggering” and caused him “trauma.” Essentially, the texts are riddled with the misuse of “therapy-speak”—words your therapist teaches you to productively express yourself but make you sound like a tool if you use them outside of therapy—and the term “boundaries.”

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Relationships are generally messy and complicated, and I’m not saying Jonah Hill’s a horrible person—Ye, formerly known as Kanye West, said Hill’s the reason he has learned to like Jewish people again, after all—but, as the entire internet was quick to point out, this is a clear example of a man abusing therapy-speak to control someone else. Brady has stated that her intention is to offer a “warning” to others who might be in this situation (not to be confused with fodder for tabloids, as that’s the exclusive job of the royal family). As of press time, Hill hasn’t commented on the texts.

Jonah Hill and Sarah Brady in December 2021.

I’m not surprised Hill used therapy-speak in his texts—he literally made a documentary about his therapist. This reinforces the false idea that therapy is meant to be a performance—that we need to bring our rehearsed selves, rather than our true selves, to a therapist’s couch. Continuing this performative nature in his texts to Brady, the main term Hill seemed to not understand was “boundaries.” We all have boundaries…this is standard throughout history (see: why all wars were started), but they should not be confused with control, which is what Hill was displaying.

“Partners, and adults in general, don’t make rules for each other—they come up with agreements based on boundaries and limits,” explains Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, licensed psychotherapist and host of The Wright Conversations Podcast. “A boundary is a guideline that we set for ourselves to feel safe. They give expectations for what people in our lives can expect from us and what we’re available for. They are not demands and they are not meant to control someone else’s autonomy or behavior. They aren’t rules.”

To further understand the difference between boundaries and control, Wright offered the following example: “A boundary could be, ‘If you raise your voice during our conversation, I will leave the room for 10 minutes’—not ‘You’re not allowed to raise your voice.’” Wright continues, “It may seem subtle in that example, but when we look at Hill’s situation, we’re seeing the extreme of this issue. He can say that he’s uncomfortable with certain things and that if those things are important to her then it may not be the right relationship for him—but that’s not what happened, based on what we know.”

It may seem obvious, but as Wright notes, you shouldn’t use these terms unless you understand what they mean, especially when you’re in the public eye. Hill was well within his right to end the relationship, but not to make it contingent upon Brady behaving in the exact way he wanted.

Hill might need another couple dozen therapy sessions to unpack all of the mistakes he made. We support that. But therapy is not a box that you can enter as an asshole and magically exit as a warm-hearted human. It takes actively applying the lessons you’ve learned, and translating them into positive actions. Most importantly, no one should ever stop working on themselves—even if they’re so emotionally evolved that they made a documentary about their therapist. And that is a Hill I’ll die on.