All steakhouses should be sent to jail.
Because charging customers an arm and a shank for a meal that they could otherwise prepare at home for a fraction of the time and pomp (would you like black truffle shavings on that, sir?)—that’s highway robbery.
At their collective trial, I guess that these thieving steakhouses could argue that their customers can’t replicate their fine art of flash-searing choice cuts of prime steak. But if there’s just one citizen on that panel of jurors who knows the secret technique to cooking steakhouse-worthy steak at home, well, there goes that argument.
Savvy citizens know that to replicate a great seared steak—juicy on the inside, well-caramelized on the outside, and tender throughout—you don’t need the industrial broilers of steakhouse back kitchens. You don’t even need a broiler.
All you need to cook incredible steak is a cast-iron pan, a set of tongs, and a watchful eye.
The visitors in the courtroom gasp. The judge calls for order. The lawyers representing the steakhouse clients quiver in their tailored three-piece suits.
Yes, if you have those three things—which you very likely do—you can run out to the butcher (or at least a grocery store) today, and cook a very excellent steak for dinner tonight. No reservations required. No sports coat mandated. No black truffle shavings needed.
You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your fellow jurors when you’re eventually called to serve and try to come up with an excuse, any excuse, but ultimately must cancel all your plans and report to the courthouse. And you owe it to those greedy steakhouses whose allegiance is not to you, hungry customer, but to the almighty dollar—and whatever it takes to get it.
Go on, stick it to ‘em.
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